Friday Flash Fiction: Cats These Days

October 23, 2008

I quite like this one.

Came fast just like you want FFF to be like.

Margaret fumbled for her key. She had to shift the bag of groceries to her other arm to reach into her right jeans pocket to find them. Before she opened the door she made sure she pulled her gun out, Fluffy was still on the loose.

A cat had seemed like a good idea two years ago when she got Fluffy.

It was just around the time that GenPet® was advertising its NewCat® and NewDog® line of genetically engineered pets: “Smarter, Cleaner, Easier, Better,” said the brochure. They made it sound better than a real cat, no litter boxes and no surprises.

They left out the fact that smarter wasn’t necessarily better when it came to cats.

Once the NewCat understood the relationship situation, the whole pet/owner thing, they tended to exude resentment.

She opened the door slightly and peeked inside.



“Fluffy? Don’t try anything ok sweetums. Mommy’s got her gun out.” Margaret held the gun firmly, showing the skill she had been forced to learn from the many encounters with her cat.

It was a bad sign when Fluffy didn’t show himself, it meant he was angrier than usual.

Margaret entered the house and closed the door behind her. Keeping her back to the corner, gun leveled, steady and ready. She reached into the bag and pulled out the bag of NewCat ‘nipBits®, “Mommy has your stuff dear.” It was considered a good conventional wisdom to keep your NewCat doped up as much as possible.

Margaret had run out of the treats yesterday, now she was in trouble.

“MeeeOOWW!” A fuzzy yellow ball of fur leapt at her from the top of the breakfront!


She missed and barely dodged her NewCat, Fluffy raked his claws across her back as he flew by, leaving a four inch swipe .

“OOW!” Shouted Margaret as she lashed out with a foot.

But the NewCat was too quick, bouncing up and off the back of the couch and away into the dining room.


She missed again.

Margaret headed towards the stairs up to her room. Slowly she backed up the stairway, keeping a careful aim  on the hallway at the bottom. Fluffy was bigger, stronger, faster and smarter than a normal cat. Sometimes Margaret thought he was even smarter than she was. He was always trying to outwit her.

Something slammed into her back and she felt the teeth of her NewCat sink into her neck.

“AAAEEEEeeeeeee!” She screamed, dropped the gun and reached back to grab the ball of terror. But he was too slippery and wily. She finally just slammed her back against the wall; Fluffy let go.

They stood ten feet apart in the hallway eyeing each other. Fluffy crouched over her dropped gun and laughed.

“hmmmph hmph hmph hmph.”

Margaret was sure it was a laugh, he only laughed when he was committing evil.

She saw now how he had snuck behind her. The window to her bedroom was open. He’d gone outside and climbed in from the tree in front of her window.

But the bathroom had no windows.

She made a dash and Fluffy leapt again to prevent her escape.

She slammed Fluffy’s foot in the door and he roared, an actual lions roar in miniature. But he pulled the foot back and Margaret was able to get the door shut and locked. She collapsed against the door, panting with Fluffy just on the other side mewling

“MMmmeeeooowwwrrrrge.” Margaret heard her name in his meow, Fluffy could talk! “Mmeeowrrrjj, iiiiiimmmm ggrrrrroonnna k-k-ach-kiiiiillll yoooouuuueeeeoooww.”

As she frantically stuffed ‘nipBits under the door, she vowed to herself that she was definitely signing on to the class action lawsuit against GenPet tomorrow.



  1. Excellent fun. Reminded me of Inspector Cluseau and Kato.

  2. What a great story. . . it really flowed nicely. You captured the mayhem so well.

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